And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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