one might say we're banned from that church
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize