Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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