you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Ladies don't puke and tell
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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