I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
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it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
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