apparently the secret to your success is patron
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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