Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
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I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
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im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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