yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I think my vagina is haunted
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize