dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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