Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Randomize
