he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
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I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
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So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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