i love accidental penises.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize