READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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