So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Randomize