OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
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Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
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its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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