In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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