if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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