i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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