9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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