just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
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