Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize