a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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