Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize