and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
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There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
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What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
i am craving dick and cupcakes
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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