What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
vagina is talking i cant
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
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If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
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You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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