when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
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We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
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dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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