Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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