My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Randomize