shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
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I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
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I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
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