You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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