oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I party with great urgency now.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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