I just pynch a tree in the face
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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