maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize