Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize