the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
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No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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