I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
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Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
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In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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