apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize