just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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