hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
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It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize