You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
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so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
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I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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