I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
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