i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
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I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
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Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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