I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
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