I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
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Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
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I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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