Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
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I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
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My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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