i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize