My liver just broke up with me...
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He uses pillows to masturbate.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize