i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize