are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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