there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
